Today would have been my wedding if things have worked well. But I think everything happens for a reason and whatever happened am pretty sure something best is awaiting for me. A strange feeling has been enveloped me since morning not sure why so. I am feeling like crying my heart out. I feel like becoming numb to everything around.
The doc has not replied yet, not sure if he likes me or interested in me. I feel like ending my life but do not have enough guts to do so. I can't afford to leave my loving family behind in deep agony.
Am not sure how long I have to go through all this. Does God remember me or even feel my existence. Not sure why am still alive, am like a burden on this earth not useful for anything or anybody. I pray for my death everyday. Life sucks!
I've been thinking pretty much on the lines of the last paragraph today.
ReplyDeleteBut I know one thing which is that we don't really understand our own importance. Our life is really important to some people about whom we hardly even think. But we keep expecting from people for whom maybe we dont matter.
From my own experience of the past, I'll just suggest that you take your mind off the matters it is involved in right now. And instead, look around to identify the people to whom you mean more than anything. And try to involve yourself in things that make you happy. Really happy. At least those that make you smile.
Once you get your attention off the matter on the mind right now, you'll be surprised to find how it all works out for you. Just divert your attention. That is the key. Coz, the more you think and wish for things to happen, the more you'll find it eluding you.
Maybe the doc is busy. Just give him time to reply. :-)
And just smile. It really works. :-)
I don;t think you know me or i know you. One thing is life is what you make it.
ReplyDeleteChilax and go out. It is not worth to end a life because of a wedding.